Yakety Yak Blah Blah Blah Blah

Yakety Yak Blah Blah Blah Blah


Still Waiting (24 October 2006 - 5:50 a.m.)

Yesterday morning, we got a call from the Captain of the police department in charge of the search. He said they think they know where Mark is. Apparently, there was a drowning in the same area not long ago, and the body was found in a channel. Thatís where they think Mark is. The Captain said they were going to go out at low tide to look for him. We never heard back.

I keep thinking, what if heís not in the water? I realize the chances of that are slim, but it IS a possibility. His friends have been searching on land, but shouldn't the "experts" be doing that, too?

This is awful. And it just keeps getting worse.

Last night, the emotional pain was overwhelming. My grief was suffocating.

I donít know how Iím going to get through the day, but I have to go back to work. I took an emergency personal day yesterday. Bereavement leave canít be used until there is a body, or Mark is declared dead. There are no provisions in my contract for something like this.

Maybe itís just as well. Sitting around waiting isnít doing me any good. I have friends at work, and I need their comfort and compassion, even if it makes me break down, which I know it will. Kindness does that to me.

I wouldnít be able to get through this if I didnít have others in my life who are helping me carry this burden. Besides my family and friends, Iíve received heartfelt emails and messages from the online community, including complete strangers who have never contacted me before. This outpouring of support has moved me to tears. There has also been unexpected silence from people I thought I'd hear from, but havenít. That really hurts. I draw strength from knowing that people care. Thank you all for being here. I am so grateful.

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