Instead of getting easier, this gets harder every day. Sunday was really bad – maybe my worst day yet. I took a shower and got dressed, but ten minutes later, I changed back into pajamas and collapsed in bed. I sobbed my heart out for hours. I kept picturing Mark smiling at me. I kept seeing that twinkle in his eyes.
Later in the afternoon (I was still in bed), my father showed up looking for some companionship and comfort. Instead, he found a mess. Seeing my pain caused his own to overwhelm him. We cried in each other’s arms.
It occurred to me that the reflexology session might have unblocked emotions I’ve been holding in. I shudder to think what it will be like once the REAL grieving process begins. This delayed bereavement is taking a terrible toll on my family. Every day, we struggle to maintain some semblance of normalcy, but there's nothing normal about what we are going through.
I almost called in sick yesterday, and I probably SHOULD have. I cried all day at work, and resented that I was not able to grieve privately. That’s one of the horrors of this complicated situation. Because of the extraordinary circumstances, we have to carry on in “business as usual” mode. Yet, how CAN we? It's NOT business as usual.
I really hate this.