During tragic times, people often say, �let me know if there is anything I can do.� One of those people was the Director of Technology where I work, and his is one of the few offers of help I actually pursued. I went to him when my computer crashed, and he fixed it for me. Free of charge. I am very grateful.

The family meeting on Sunday went much better than expected. My father agreed to shoulder his responsibilities, and we reached consensus about what to do in reference to services. We decided that if Mark�s body is found before the river freezes, we will have regular services. If he is not found until spring, we will have a private service. If his body is never found, we will have a memorial service on October 20, 2007. (That will be one year from the date he went missing.)

I�ve been having a really tough time trying to deal with everything that�s been going on, and spoke to a grief counselor about a week ago. She told me that, not only are we experiencing �ambiguous grief,� but we are experiencing �anticipatory grief,� as well, since we have not yet begun the actual grieving process (which is hard, if not impossible, to do without a body). This is all so complicated and so awful.

My physical pain and fatigue have reached the point of being overwhelming, and I had to stay home from work today. I can barely move. When I am deeply exhausted, my voice turns into a croak. Jeremiah was a bullfrog, and so, right now, am I. I�m pushing myself too hard. I need a break from all of this.

Therefore, I�m going to visit Rebecca in Albany this weekend. This is something that had been planned and already postponed twice because of what happened to Mark. I almost cancelled again, but then decided that it might be good for me to get away for a few days. I�ll see you when I get back.