During tragic times, people often say, ďlet me know if there is anything I can do.Ē One of those people was the Director of Technology where I work, and his is one of the few offers of help I actually pursued. I went to him when my computer crashed, and he fixed it for me. Free of charge. I am very grateful.
The family meeting on Sunday went much better than expected. My father agreed to shoulder his responsibilities, and we reached consensus about what to do in reference to services. We decided that if Markís body is found before the river freezes, we will have regular services. If he is not found until spring, we will have a private service. If his body is never found, we will have a memorial service on October 20, 2007. (That will be one year from the date he went missing.)
Iíve been having a really tough time trying to deal with everything thatís been going on, and spoke to a grief counselor about a week ago. She told me that, not only are we experiencing ďambiguous grief,Ē but we are experiencing ďanticipatory grief,Ē as well, since we have not yet begun the actual grieving process (which is hard, if not impossible, to do without a body). This is all so complicated and so awful.
My physical pain and fatigue have reached the point of being overwhelming, and I had to stay home from work today. I can barely move. When I am deeply exhausted, my voice turns into a croak. Jeremiah was a bullfrog, and so, right now, am I. Iím pushing myself too hard. I need a break from all of this.
Therefore, Iím going to visit Rebecca in Albany this weekend. This is something that had been planned and already postponed twice because of what happened to Mark. I almost cancelled again, but then decided that it might be good for me to get away for a few days. Iíll see you when I get back.