Today was very bad. The reality of this loss keeps bringing me to my knees.
I was feeling pretty fragile this morning, and then, on the way to work, Nat King Cole�s The Christmas Song was playing on the radio. My mind wandered back to Christmases when Mark was a little boy, and that did me in. I went into the building sobbing and gasping for air because I couldn't breathe. The burden of my grief was crushing.
That set the pace for the rest of the day. I wore my broken heart on my sleeve, and couldn't stop crying. I kept saying to my friends, "I can't do this!" But, of course, I will.
When I got home, I received an email from Mark�s fianc�e, Tamica. It was painful to read. She says she can�t seem to come to terms with the fact that Mark's not here anymore. She finds herself calling his cell phone just to hear his voice. She wrote, �I am truly thankful for you keeping in touch. You�re kind of like a surrogate. In you I still feel his love.�
That really got to me.
On a more positive note, my sister, Patti, collected Mark's personal belongings from the Sheriff's Department. That's one load off my mind. Thanks, Pat.