Comments:

Kathy - 2006-12-01 07:59:20
My brother died at age 41 of a heart attack over 11 years ago. Leaving behind a wife and 3 small children. Those first few years were so hard. After that, it was relatively easier. 11 years later and it still hits me like a sock in the stomach when I think of him being gone. Funny thing about that is I'm glad I still feel the pain of losing him because that reminds me of how much he meant to me. I'm really sorry for your loss. Losing a sibling at such a young age is just so darned confusing and not right.
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Bex - 2006-12-01 08:07:09
I agree with Kathy above, sometimes feeling the pain reminds us of how much we loved that person who is no longer here. Being a believer in "life after life" I find some solace in knowing that my loved one who has passed over is really just on the other side of a veil of being... waiting for the rest of us to join them. Sometimes I will break down in tears thinking about my deceased dog, Muffin. I loved her with every fiber of my being, and losing her was one of the biggest hurts I've ever had, and now, 6 years later, I am not "over" it at all, not really. I just live with this new arrangement - her being "over there" and me being "here." Hugs to you dear Steph.
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LA - 2006-12-01 08:08:50
Through it is the way to go. Believe me, I tried the 'get over it' method and bought myself nothing but more grief. Pretending I was healed and happy for others' benefit and giving myself all kinds of holy hell on the inside because I wasn't 'over it enough' like 'they' said I should be. Adapting to the new reality, as you so wisely said, is a process and one that lasts a lifetime. I do hope you get to a place where you're not so naked and raw for your own sake. As for me, I will listen and be your friend when you cry. Never, ever think you have to put on a happy face for me, sweetheart. ~LA
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dara - 2006-12-01 08:20:12
I agree that you never "get over it". My dad played Santa for years. He passed away (diabetes related) December 27, 2002. Christmas is still hard, and I can not "get over it" when ever the decorations come up and I see a Santa with a real beard. You someday will be accepting of it, but never over it.
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Bozoette Mary - 2006-12-01 08:55:57
All of the above, dear Stephanie. It takes as long as it takes. You can't rush it, even if you wanted to, and it will be hard and wrenching. But it will get easier, honest it will, though it doesn't seem like it now. Hugging you.
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Jim - 2006-12-01 12:31:46
Stephanie, you are exactly right when you say you will get through it but never get over it. It's been 17 years since my mother died and in January it will be 15 years since I lost my father and I miss them and wish they were here to see their grandchildren become young adults. The agony tuned to acceptance long ago, leaving just the good memories, but their absence is felt always and always will be until it is my turn to go.
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kat - 2006-12-01 12:34:49
It's amazing how some people react. Until you actually lose someone so important to you, you have NO idea how physically painful it really is. This is our second christmas without Jason and I still have moments where I can't even breath because it hurts so bad. Cry as often as you need. Hide as often as you need. And lean on all the people who love you more than you need. ...... Can you let me know how long the losing your hair thing lasts? Mine is still falling out faster than it grows....Luv is with you.
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LA - 2006-12-01 13:02:14
Thank you, thank you!!! I do truly hope Wolf learns and is a bit grateful later on why we went through this now. I do want so very much for him to be able and happy and strong and to be the loving decent person I know he can be. Hearing from another mom who knows the score with these children with their skewed perceptions and volcanic emotions (and egos to match), hearing that you think I'm doing right by my kid means the world. Even in your darkness you make my world brighter. ~LA
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Carol - 2006-12-01 19:35:07
you are right, it is something you don't get over. I am still having a lot of grief from the death of my son-in-law a little over a year ago. We go on and move on but we deal with it it the best we can. Take your time, you need to go through the process. hugs to you
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Denver doug - 2006-12-02 01:34:29
In 1943 I had been married a few months, wife pregnant, my Mom avidly expecting a grandchild to love and cosset. Still wasn't quite dry behind the ears. Mom had an appendectomy and suffered a blood clot to the brain, fatal of course. Yes it was almost an insufferable blow to lose her. Along with it, I pressed on, raised kids and saw grandkids and great grandkids come along. I've had a happy life for the most part. Accepting the inevitable and going on with my life. But, she is still missed, still when "Silent Night" plays, a tear rolls down my cheek - it was a favorite of ours. There are times when one of the grands or great grands does something amazing or cute that the thought comes to me, "Wouldn't grandma just love to see that ?" I am your friend, you are in our thoughts, do what you need to do and to heck with what others expect !
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