Comments:

Kathy - 2006-12-02 10:27:58
I remember, shortly after my brother's funeral, standing in line at the grocery store. I wanted to scream at everyone "You *uckers! My brother is dead! How can you just stand here with your damn strawberries?!" I hated each and everyone of those berry-buyers with the brothers who didn't just die. And then I chuckled because really, it wasn't the berry-buyers who took my brother. I guess I just needed to be hating for a while. Figured I was getting even with the rotten world that took my brother too early. I'm almost over that 11 years later ;) Damn berry-buyers! Really. Just take your time. Your ex can be your surrogate berry-buyer for awhile.
-------------------------------
Stephanie - 2006-12-02 10:56:51
I guess The Ex didn't bother to read all the stuff in the email I sent him because this is what I got back: "I know that you will be grieving. I remember when my father died how hard it was and how much it affected me. Still, thinking of healing and of how such things went with me, I was trying to encourage you to invest some of your time and energy toward appreciating those living people and good things that you love in your life. It may help you and them." Well, excuse me but my daughters and my current husband didn't suffer the loss I did. At the moment, I'M the one who needs help and understanding and an investment of time and energy and appreciation. *Fume* I know that his intentions were good, but to have it suggested that I don't appreciate the positive things in my life is hurtful. Instead of trying to get him to understand how I feel (after all, the impossibility of that endeavor is one of the things that led to our divorce), maybe I should just tell him to stick a strawberry where the sun don't shine. Heh.
-------------------------------
Stefani - 2006-12-02 11:09:11
Fortunately, I cannot relate to your experience. So bear in mind I'm only trying to help in my own tiny way by listening and being here. Maybe your ex is doing the best HE can under these circumstances. You know how you feel and what you need. Don't waste a morsel of energy on people and things that don't help you. I think about you every day, wishing you the best.
-------------------------------
Stephanie - 2006-12-02 11:16:55
I know, but it bugs the hell out of me when people ask how they can help, and then they ignore what I tell them. You're right, though. I shouldn't waste any more energy on trying to get him to understand.
-------------------------------
Kathy - 2006-12-02 13:11:29
Well, this just explains why the ex is the 'ex' doesn't it! The death of a parent is one thing. The death of a too young sibling is a whole other ballgame. My dad died, at just age 63, and we buried him 6 days before I got married. It was terribly terribly terribly sad. But my dad had MS and horrible afflictions because of it. I adored my father. Miss him terribly. I grieved his death and will forever and always. However, when my brother died, it was a whole different thing altogether. I've said it before and I'll say it here for you - brothers are supposed to get old and wear their pants way too high and drive really big cars that they shouldn't be driving. They should go bald and you should be able to poke fun at them so that you can get even with them for all the picking on you when you first got your boobs. It's not fair that you don't get that chance. I'm really sorry for your loss. When people asked me if there was anything they could do for me, I suggested Chocolate. Still waiting for them. They will not understand until they've been through this. Hopefully they won't have to go through this and can remain ignorant to it. Loss of a parent is a totally different comparison. Unless you were a little kid when they died because that reshapes who you are as an adult. And the person who mentioned the death of their dog? I'm sure she meant well but sweet jeebus, that's not something someone says outloud to someone going through this. Well, will you look at me? I'll stop now. My foot is lodged too tightly in my mouth.
-------------------------------
Sunshyn - 2006-12-02 14:27:31
OMG, I so relate. I completely lost it last night over the stupid sink flooding (same stupid pipe keeps pulling loose). I was cleaning up after what was supposed to be EASY leftovers for my mom and our family friends. But the easy leftovers created a ton of dirty dishes, a ton of work, all the while my husband is at another meeting; I'm trying to watch the kidlet AND heat up and clean up; the wicked stepgrandmother has hung up on me twice (calling me both times); and this morning my mom is trying to tell me how worried everyone is about me. Ok, then, HEAT THE DAMN FOOD up yourself; don't give it all to me to do, and DON'T be surprised if I'm in tears from exhaustion. And quit berating me for doing things I WANT to do, like decorate my house for Christmas... Sheesh. If I weren't losing it, something would be really wrong with me. Ditto you. If I'd lost a huge check, I would have probably had to be sedated. I think you're doing just fine... Grief makes you disorganized. It can make you sick. I actually feel better these past couple of days than I have in years. So I cried. Big deal.
-------------------------------
Denver doug - 2006-12-02 18:46:39
Still here, Still listening, Still agreeing with most of what you say.
-------------------------------
zen - 2006-12-03 10:16:58
i know i have no words that would help. but i care for you and am thinking of you and sending you all the good thoughts and healing energies i can. grieving is a personal thing...and it is different for everyone. take all the time you need and do what you need for YOU!...~zen
-------------------------------
Bex - 2006-12-03 12:36:11
All I can do is send positive thoughts your way, and that I am doing, Steph. Hugs.
-------------------------------
Stephanie - 2006-12-03 18:43:01
All positive thoughts, listening ears, healing energies, etc. are greatly appreciated. Thanks, everybody.
-------------------------------
debbie - 2006-12-04 14:49:19
strawberry lovers can love all the strawberries they feel the need to but they dont have to act so orgasmic about the chocolate & whipped cream atop. some just dont get it when you decide you dont care for any dessert right now. nothing can ease your pain but im hoping a hug will calm your sanity. (((( warm regards ))))
-------------------------------

add your comment:

your name:
your email:
your url:

back to the entry - Diaryland