Yakety Yak Blah Blah Blah Blah


Yakety Yak Blah Blah Blah Blah

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Chinks in the Armor (07 November 2006 - 5:42 a.m.)

Instead of getting easier, this gets harder every day. Sunday was really bad � maybe my worst day yet. I took a shower and got dressed, but ten minutes later, I changed back into pajamas and collapsed in bed. I sobbed my heart out for hours. I kept picturing Mark smiling at me. I kept seeing that twinkle in his eyes.

Later in the afternoon (I was still in bed), my father showed up looking for some companionship and comfort. Instead, he found a mess. Seeing my pain caused his own to overwhelm him. We cried in each other�s arms.

It occurred to me that the reflexology session might have unblocked emotions I�ve been holding in. I shudder to think what it will be like once the REAL grieving process begins. This delayed bereavement is taking a terrible toll on my family. Every day, we struggle to maintain some semblance of normalcy, but there's nothing normal about what we are going through.

I almost called in sick yesterday, and I probably SHOULD have. I cried all day at work, and resented that I was not able to grieve privately. That�s one of the horrors of this complicated situation. Because of the extraordinary circumstances, we have to carry on in �business as usual� mode. Yet, how CAN we? It's NOT business as usual.

I really hate this.

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